Respecting Life Series, Part 2 of 3

Just five days ahead of induced labor, Jamie was stressed about giving birth to her daughter. This was not the plan for her life. “I’m very excited, but at the same time I'm anxious because I don't know anything about raising a baby,” the 19-year-old River Valley Catholic said. 

Jamie, who preferred not to use her real name for this story, was a freshman in college when she discovered she was pregnant at 18, shortly after breaking up with her baby’s father. Adopted herself, she said she never considered abortion.

“I’ve always had a strong belief never to abort kids because it’s murder. I wouldn't want to be the one that murdered someone,” she said. 

In different circumstances, abortion could have looked like a viable option. She could have been unemployed or in a low-wage job with no way to get to doctor’s appointments. She could have had no supportive family or been homeless.

As legal challenges test Roe v. Wade, which legalized abortion nationally, diocesan respect life director Catherine Phillips said it’s important to not only consider a world where abortion is suddenly illegal, but how to change the circumstances that drive women to abortion. 

“All of us want to reach out and save that baby that's in danger of abortion, but what are we doing really to help that mom in need? Sometimes, when they get to those doors (of the abortion clinic), their mind is made up, their heart is set and it's really hard to change that,” Phillips said. “But what if we worked so hard in our world to change things that they didn't ever get to those doors?”

 

Not so simple 

The Catholic Church teaches that abortion is a “moral evil” and one of the preeminent pro-life issues today. The Catechism of the Catholic Church states, “You shall not kill the embryo by abortion and shall not cause the newborn to perish.” (no. 2271:75) 

The legal challenges to abortion continue front and center in the news, most prominently with the United States Supreme Court agreeing to hear oral arguments Dec. 1 on an abortion ban after 15 weeks of pregnancy in Mississippi, triggering a look at the constitutionality of Roe v. Wade. The Texas legislature also banned nearly all abortions, but a federal judge blocked that ban Oct. 6. The 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals struck down the federal ruling, reinstating the ban Oct. 8, with the Department of Justice set to reply to the ruling Oct. 12. 

While it’s important to advocate for changes in the law, there is also need to consider what it would take to make abortion “unthinkable” as a society, Phillips said. 

“If we really want to be pro-life and end abortion and live in a world where abortion is no more, we have to be that support network,” Phillips said. “More than just prayer and good wishes, we have to be there with the resources that moms need. And again, that's not so simple as diapers.” 

According to the latest data from the Arkansas Department of Health, there were 2,963 abortions in the state in 2019. The poverty rate in Arkansas is 18.9 percent, with child poverty at 26 percent, according to statistics from the United States Department of Agriculture. 

In a June 2020 CBS News article, Hospital Pricing Specialists collected data from 4,500 hospitals across the United States to determine the cost of no-complications vaginal birth, before health insurance in each state. Arkansas’ price for giving birth, which includes hospital fees, room and board charges, operating room, lab work and pharmacy expenses, is $15,005, about the national average. 

Phillips said top concerns for single mothers in crisis pregnancy have been safe and affordable housing, a well-paying job, health care and education.

“Can I give this child a good life? A lot of times, moms already have children, and they’re already struggling. They struggle with things like, how do I work and have time with my children?” Phillips said. “Many abortions happen when a mother is not married. And so she's trying to raise children by herself, or a child just by herself. And again, support is critical, but how do we balance raising a child and going to work? Educating our child; sometimes, educating ourselves. Many abortions happen when a woman is between 18 and 20 years old. She's trying to pursue an education, start off in a career, and she says, ‘I can't do this with a baby.’” 

 

The unexpected 

At 11:30 p.m. in her college dorm room, the then-18-year-old Jamie took a pregnancy test. It was positive. 

“‘Oh crap, my parents are going to kill me,’” were her first thoughts, she said. “I really didn’t think it was true at first.” 

She called her then ex-boyfriend that night to tell him the news. 

“He told me to quit crying and man up and just accept it. Which is something I never want to be told again,” Jamie said. “I didn’t know how to tell anyone else.” 

On her 19th birthday, she told her parents she was pregnant. They took it hard and were disappointed, she said, not the response she was hoping for at that time. Since then, her parents have been a strong support system. If they were not, “I honestly would probably give this baby up for adoption. I don’t think I could do it,” she said. 

Jamie dropped out of college, moved back in with her parents and started working 12-hour shifts as a certified nursing assistant. 

“I had a fear about judgment from people. My anxiety and depression got really bad, and I was scared to go around anyone. I would just hide behind my mom when I did,” Jamie said. 

She began attending Mass again but hid the pregnancy until she no longer could. 

“I actually started going to counseling with my priest, and they were supportive. Everyone just started supporting me. I was shocked,” Jamie said. 

Though thankful for the support, she has a lot of fears, including her ability to go back to college in the spring to study sonography, while still working as a CNA and being a mother. 

“Just being single and a mom, you don't know how you’re going to pay for things. So working that long shift is not something you want to do, especially with a newborn. (My family) will help, but right now it’s just my mom and dad and me at home, everyone else is at college,” Jamie said. “I did have people offer to help babysit so that’s something I'll not have to struggle with.” 

Despite all the unknowns, Jamie said she believes “everything is possible with God.” 

 

What can I do? 

During Respect Life month in October, Catholics and others who advocate for life can join prayer movements like 40 Days for Life in Little Rock and Rogers. At the parish level, the Gabriel Project is a national initiative that encourages parishes to put a sign on church grounds and information in their bulletin that simply states, “Pregnant? Worried? Need Help?” and a number to call for an expectant mother to be mentored and supported by the Catholic community, which can mean transportation, navigating social services, babysitting and prayer. 

Catholic business owners, crisis pregnancy centers, parishes and dioceses can work with employees to provide affordable health insurance, paid maternity and paternity leave, a flexible schedule to allow for doctor’s appointments for both mother and child and a just wage to account for living expenses and childcare. According to the Economic Policy Institute, childcare in Arkansas is an estimated $6,890 annually or $574 a month. 

Employer policies supporting families are pro-life. 

“Do we conduct our own businesses in a manner in which supports life, in a manner that's really truly pro-life?” Phillips said. “And what about our policies — how do we support moms? Do we have paid maternity leave, do we consider offering childcare, are we supportive of moms if a child has to be picked up unexpectedly because they get sick at daycare? Do we allow time for fathers to be with their wives when they're pregnant, when they need extra support?” 

Jamie said one thing every Catholic can do is simply be accepting.  

“If they have something (a negative judgment) in their head, don’t show it. It does tear us down, and we don’t need that right now. We need support and if you do tell us that, it will make us lean toward abortion instead of that healthier option,” Jamie said. “If they know anybody just having a rough time with anything, don’t tear them down for a mistake they’ve made.”

Read Respecting Life Series, Part 1: The Death Penalty

Dr. Courtney Sick, an OB/GYN at Renaissance Women’s Center in Conway, meets with about 20 to 30 people each month who struggle with infertility, which is common among doctors in her field today.

The St. Joseph parishioner, who converted to the faith in 2002 before marrying her husband Tony, said there are several misconceptions surrounding infertility.

“I have a lot of patients that come in and think that there’s no way I’d be able to afford any infertility workup or treatments, when actually their coverage is pretty good and they don’t have to pay pretty much for anything,” she said, adding that couples also assume there’s a risk of multiple children at once. “We see all the TV shows where people have six kids, eight kids and that is really, really rare … we really have been able in this past five years or so to decrease the amount of people who end of up with twins, triplets.”

Because treatments like artificial insemination and in vitro fertilization (IVF) are counter to Church teaching, Sick said a lot of Catholic couples assume they do not have options.

“There are so many things that are able to be tried before that, be it pills, injections. There’s so many things that could be the case of the infertility. You may need a surgery before if there’s something with your uterus or fallopian tubes,” Sick said. “There may be something with the guy we need to get addressed and fixed.”

Throughout the past four years in Conway, she’s only had two patients opt for IVF. In most cases, it’s as simple as couple’s not timing intercourse correctly with a woman’s cycle. 

“Some people think they need to have sex every day during that time in order to get pregnant, but that actually decreases your chance of pregnancy. So you want to time intercourse every other day so the male sperm count stays normal. That’s what I see a lot of couples do wrong.”

Other common factors that affect fertility include male sperm count, Sick said. A urologist can assist in ways to boost the count, including in some cases getting off of medications that decrease it. Issues with women can include blocked or infected fallopian tubes, endometriosis and fibroids in the uterus.

“For women probably the most common thing is called anovulation, so they’re not ovulating an egg. Especially this day and age because obesity plays a role in that, lifestyles and stuff, we see more and more of that,” Sick said. “… Losing weight, eating healthy is a really big deal with women. That can increase your rate of fertility by leaps and bounds.”

There are scenarios where there are no identifiable reasons for infertility.

“The ones where we don’t know the reason are harder emotionally for patients to deal with and understand. We do see that a lot where we just don’t know. I think that’s a lot of things in life we just don’t know why,” Sick said, adding that there are still treatment options to try even in those scenarios.

Sick suggests Catholic couples talk with a priest or deacon about why certain options do and don’t align with Church teaching.

“I think there’s a lot of counseling and stuff you kind of do even as OB/GYN doctors, talking to these patients about what your end goal is; your end goal is to be a parent. And you want to do that without compromising what your core values are and your spiritual beliefs, your ethical, religious type beliefs. You don’t want to sacrifice that if there’s other ways you can become a parent,” she said.

Sick faced what was likely infertility as well as health issues that made pregnancy high risk. The couple adopted three children through Catholic Adoption Services, including Luci, who died after being born premature at 25 weeks.

“Sometimes it’s very hard for families and couples to give up having a biological child … I tell patients we’re just as much Oscar and Sydney’s mom and dad, as if they had come from my own body,” Sick said. “That was hard for a little bit, especially for my husband. It took a little bit longer for him to come to grips with that. But now we look at it and there’s no other way we want to be parents but adoption. I don’t want to be pregnant. I love the way that we’ve gotten our children. I think it gives me a different perspective as a doctor having gone through adoption because I can talk to these people about adoption as an option.”

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When Michael and Rebecca made the decision to adopt, they were heartbroken to learn parents willing to adopt a child of a different race were few and far between.

But making the decision to consider interracial adoption — adopting a child of a different race — requires cultural research, living a life of diversity, making sure a child’s heritage is nurtured and realizing the dynamic of the family is now multi-cultural.

It can be challenging and interracial, also known as transracial, adoption is not for every family. But for Michael and Rebecca, their daughter Olivia was worth it.

“We also didn’t limit God. If we had not decided that, we would have missed out on the blessing of having Olivia,” who is biracial, Michael said. “She’s a delight every day, she keeps us laughing.”

 

BECOMING A FAMILY

Antje Harris, director of Catholic Adoption Services, a licensed nonprofit agency through Catholic Charities of Arkansas, said the nonprofit is open to interracial adoption, but is also looking for black families willing to adopt.

“We don’t have a lot of placements, that’s just the reality. Teen pregnancy is down and more teens are parenting children, more grandparents are helping to raise the child. And for a variety of reasons there are fewer children available for adoption,” she said.

To adopt a black or biracial child, Harris said there are several factors to consider, including having diverse relatives and friends, if the family is willing to adopt another child of a different race down the road and where the adoptive family lives. The agency looks for areas that are more metropolitan or open to diversity, particularly college cities.

“There are certain areas that transracial adoption wouldn’t be accepted very well. And sometimes the families say to us, ‘Well, we’d be OK with it, but my dad wouldn’t or our community wouldn’t.’ We do this with a tremendous amount of thought and care,” Harris said. “We would be honest with them if we thought their community was perhaps not a very welcoming community or if they were in a small town and that was going to be the only black child in the school or one of two.”

With any adoption, parents need to understand that this will be “their child. It’s not their transracial child; this is the child of their heart.”

 

COMMUNITY SUPPORT

Melanie and Eric moved in 2008 to a small Iowa city, with a population that’s grown to about 60,000 people while also growing in diversity. They have two Caucasian sons and in 2015, they adopted HopeAnn, who will be 2 years old in late November. HopeAnn is biracial and her birthmother was a client at Jericho Way, a day resource center for the homeless in Little Rock. The couple has always been open to interracial adoption, as Melanie grew up with two adopted sisters from Costa Rica.

“We weren’t just looking that our immediate family would be open to a child of color, but to our larger community. Will there be other people to look up to that would match them in skin color?” she said.

While the couple has a diverse group of friends, the couple made sure their nondenominational Christian church had black role models for their daughter.

“It was more fear and insecurity on my part. Are they going to judge me or look down on me or think I’m not a good enough to be a mom to her?” Melanie said. “It took some courage to step out and be a part of their community,” but she has been welcomed with “joy.”

Community support can also be fostered within a family. Rebecca and Michael, who lived in Arkansas but now live in another state, created a picture book for Olivia that included photos of her birth mother, Alex, who is black, and the adoption process. The families meet about once a year.

“We don’t want her to be ashamed of it. We started reading it to her as a baby and still read it to her today. We want her to know the steps involved and (to be) proud that she’s adopted,” Rebecca said of Olivia.

 

‘LOOKS LIKE YOU’

Children often look up to their parents, but for white parents, it’s important that their black or biracial child also have ethnic role models in their lives.

“So I think historically when people would adopt children of another race, some families still do it, there’s this kind of ‘love sees no color’ kind of thing, which is really damaging. It basically ignores the identity of the child,” said Susan, whose name has been changed to protect the privacy of her family.

She and her husband, who live in central Arkansas, adopted two black sons.

“Our whole process is to recognize they are African American and to create a world where they see people who look like them all the time.”

Adoptive families said they’ve purchased books that depict black people and toys and dolls that celebrate African American culture.

When President Barack Obama was elected, Susan said, “we played that up, ‘he looks like you,’” she said. They take their sons to a black pediatrician, seek out a black Santa Claus at Christmas time, put up a black nativity scene and attend the annual Juneteenth commemoration, which recognizes the end of slavery in the U.S., put on by the Mosaic Templars Cultural Center in Little Rock.

“Hair is actually a big deal,” said Hannah Allen, 26, who is biracial and was adopted by white parents as a baby. “I know it can sound trivial, but I’m pretty passionate about hair,” as her mother made some hair missteps when she was a child.

“Just being knowledgeable about hairstyles and being connected with an African American community,” that can point parents in the right direction is key.

It’s exactly the kind of help Rebecca and Michael sought.

“We took some online classes on home hair care, braiding and met with black hairstylists,” Rebecca said.

 

TOUGH, BUT WORTH IT

Even though each family is unique, they share the confusing stares in grocery stores, the nosy questions and the fears of how society will treat their children.

“I remember when she was first born and we’d go out and people would just exclaim how beautiful she was. A lot of times, obviously she is beautiful, I felt like it was people were uncomfortable because she doesn’t look like the rest of her family and had a lot of questions, but were afraid to ask,” Melanie said of HopeAnn.

Rebecca said she has learned how to navigate the sometimes “hateful stares” and ignorant comments, like asking if Olivia is “hers,” because “Olivia is watching and listening and I don’t want her to get the wrong self-worth from those reactions.”

It’s a lesson Hannah Allen learned the hard way while in eighth grade. Her family created a loving environment, but in school, a white girl pointed out how she was different.

“I got very insecure and did not want to talk about it at all,” she said.

It wasn’t until she served as a summer camp counselor in high school that opened her eyes to God’s love.

“I just feel I encountered the Lord in Jesus. He spoke to me a lot about being his child and being beautiful and worthy.”

Protecting a child is often written into a parent’s DNA, but most can’t be shielded from society. According to the Southern Poverty Law Center, there are 917 hate groups operating in the United States. Of those, there are 130 groups of the Ku Klux Klan and 99 Neo-Nazi groups.

“All of the things you see in the news right now … frankly it scares me to death for the future,” Susan said, regarding her black sons. She pointed to police profiling and brutality, discrepancies in school discipline between black and white students and a court system that punishes black people more harshly.

The Washington Post reported in a 2016 article that 13 percent of the U.S. population is black but make up 24 percent of fatal police shootings, compared with white people, who make up 62 percent of the population but are only 49 percent of those shot and killed. This means black people are 2.5 times as likely as white people to be killed by a police officer.

“You just know from the research it’s the reality,” Susan said. “… I’ve seen other white adoptive moms talk about this. When we’re out and together as a family in some ways they adopt white privilege,” but when they are alone, they will be treated differently, she added.

Alex, 26, who attends college in North Carolina, is the birth mother of Olivia, the adoptive daughter of Rebecca and Michael.

“I think with this day and age they need to make sure their children know, ‘Yeah, your white friends can do this, but you can’t because there are situations you can be hurt,’” Alex said, adding that the child needs to “be OK with being black because sometimes it’s really hard to be OK with it just because you’re not treated the same. Definitely find positive role models, maybe someone they can talk to, to share these similar experiences; branch out and have different kinds of friends.”

Even though the challenges are real, Melanie said it’s important to be open and informed before choosing to adopt any child, but particularly a child of a different race.

“It’s not all rainbows and unicorns. There’s a lot of beauty and a lot of love and it takes that positive outlook to make it work … but you can’t go into it completely blindsided either,” she said, adding their faith in God helps guide their decisions. “… Our common belief in Christ is what transcends all the dividing issues. God is for family.”

Note: To protect their privacy, families asked that their last names not be printed. All families interviewed for this story adopted a child through Catholic Adoption Services in Little Rock.

Hannah Allen’s life has been filled with love and support. Growing up with five siblings, she stood out with God-given talents — excelling at soccer, playing the saxophone, cheerleading and growing to know the Lord.

“She is just an amazing, smart, talented young woman,” said her mother, Kathy Allen, adding “She’s had a compassionate heart for the Lord. She learned to play guitar and leads worship at her church.”

Today, Hannah, 26, is engaged to be married in December and working at Families, Inc. counseling agency in Searcy for children with behavioral issues and mood disorders.

Her parents Ray and Kathy Allen raised her to be the woman she is today.

“I think they’re just about the coolest people I’ve ever met. They really are,” Hannah said. “The older I’ve gotten, I’ve realized they are who I want to be like.”

While she is forever grateful to her parents, in 2009, Hannah also got to thank the woman who made the courageous decision to give her a chance at life.

Hannah was adopted as a baby through Catholic Adoption Services, a licensed nonprofit agency of Catholic Charities of Arkansas. Her reunion with her birth mother, Melissa, whose name has been changed to protect her privacy, was one of joy.

“It was amazing. I will say I know that not every reunification was like mine. Mine was very blissful, beautiful — neither one of us has any addictions, we’re both Christians, it was the most ideal situations. It was a really awesome experience,” she said.

 

A YOUNG LIFE CHANGED

Melissa experienced heartbreak early in life. As a young child, her mother abandoned her and her siblings, leaving her dad to raise them. When she was 13 years old, Hannah was conceived. The birth father was 19.

“Unbelief, disappointment, probably a lot of shame,” Melissa said she felt when she found out she was pregnant. “Just not really happy with myself at all.”

Instead of having an abortion, Melissa chose an adoption plan.

“When I think about that I just get emotional,” Hannah said, knowing that society would have supported abortion. “… Being the human life that was given life, chosen not to abort, I can’t stand behind the idea of abortion for any reason. That’s my whole existence.”

Melissa said she had “big dreams” and goals for not only herself, but for her daughter.

“I knew that I couldn’t raise her. We grew up poor, my grandmother also lived with us and we weren’t in the position to take care of a baby … She should be raised in a family that they can have everything they need and that would not have happened,” she said, adding that when Hannah was born, it was still “tough.” “But I just knew that it was the right thing to do. I don’t think I ever had any second guesses.”

 

LOVING FAMILY

Kathy and Ray Allen, of Russellville, had three biological children and because of their desire for a large family, chose adoption. They joined a statewide adoption group, learning of the great need for interracial adoption, adopting a child of a different race. They adopted their son Isaac, mixed Apache and black, from Arizona. They adopted Hannah, who is also biracial, and later had another biological child.

Hannah and Isaac both grew up attending the adoption support group meetings and the family had honest conversations about adoption.

“It’s like God sends you kids in all different ways and this is how you came to be our daughter … God sent her to us so that was just kind of matter of fact,” Kathy Allen said of Hannah.

“They loved me and Isaac,” Hannah said. “They just loved me so much and treated me exactly the same.”

Throughout the years, the Allens and Melissa exchanged letters, photos and gifts through Catholic Adoption Services and when Hannah turned 18, she knew she wanted to meet her birth mother, something her parents were both excited about.

“I felt secure in being Hannah’s mother. We have a heart-to-heart connection, nothing would change that; we are mother and daughter,” Kathy said.

 

REUNION

Meeting at the Catholic Adoption Services office, Hannah heard her laugh and saw her smile on the face of Melissa.

“People have commented my whole life on my laugh and how unique it was … and when I met her I saw in her the same thing … that was kind of cool,” she said.

“She’s the most (dedicated) human rights activist I know, a fiery person,” having worked in social work and now teaching, Hannah said. Knowing Hannah is also passionate about social work “is really cool,” Melissa said.

Hannah will visit Melissa, who is married with two children in another state, at least once a year. Her adoptive and birth families have also met.

“Eighteen years, you wondered what was she going to be like and what she would think about me. At the time I met her I was pregnant with my son. It was exciting,” Melissa said. “It made me even more proud of my decision that she turned out to be this light. She’s God’s light and she shines wherever she goes and I’m thankful I was able to be the person, even though I think in the beginning there was a lot of shame, I’m happy I was able to give birth to her and she is … doing Christ’s work helping other people.”

While reuniting with her birth mother forged a lifelong relationship, Hannah said meeting her birth father was “very different.” He contacted her through Facebook while she was a college freshman and at the time, she was “pretty resentful,” telling him to contact Catholic Adoption Services.

She also did not want to upset her brother Isaac, whose birth parents did not want contact.

Isaac died in 2014 at age 24 and the loss made her “realize a lot of things about life. One that it is short,” Hannah said.

So in 2015, she took a friend with her and met her birth father in a public place.

“If I could help someone else feel closure or whatever else he was looking for, I was going to do that,” she said. “… It was not bad at all. He actually has a cool story of his own” about recognizing Christ and now serves as a church elder. 

They do not keep in touch, but Hannah said, “I’m glad I forgave him.”

Ray Allen said he was never threatened when Hannah met both Melissa and her birth father.

“Hannah was raised in a family with a lot of love and a very stable environment,” he said. “… I wasn’t threatened, I played with Hannah growing up and did all the things a dad would do … we all loved each other.”

While each adoptee has different feelings about meeting birth parents, Hannah said in her life, it was just another piece of the puzzle that makes up the story of her life.

“They’re my mom and dad, they raised me. Nothing can change that,” she said of her parents, adding that meeting birth parents, “… I think it does provide some understanding and self-awareness. I had more insight on areas of my own life that I didn’t know before. Just seeing her and our similarities I realized things about me that were unique and beautiful.”

There are many misconceptions surrounding adoption. Here, two women speak out about the lessons they learned.

Adoptive mother

Mary and her husband live in Central Arkansas. They adopted a daughter through Catholic Adoption Services and are waiting to adopt again. Her name has been changed to protect the family’s privacy.

What is the worst comment you’ve heard as an adoptive mother?

I think the one that bothered me the most was after we adopted our daughter is “Well, now you’re going to get pregnant and have a child of our own.” We’d say, “Well, we have a child of our own, our daughter.”

What do you wish people would understand about adoptive parents?

People sometimes will ask us about our daughter’s real parents. Parenting is not just biology. Parenting is the love, the compassion, time and resources it takes to raise a child. Being a real parent is about the sleepless nights, the skinned knees, the doctor’s visits and the first day of school. So when you ask about our daughter’s real parents, please don’t be surprised when we say you’re looking at them.

Best advice for people looking to adopt?

Adopting a child can be an emotional roller coaster. My advice is to hold on tight, keep your eye on the prize, follow the lead of your adoption specialist and trust the process. All children are gifts from God and I truly believe that you receive the child you’re supposed to receive.

Birth mother

Sara, who preferred to use her first name only, lives in Central Arkansas and made an adoption plan for her child after he was born in January 2016.

What is the worst comment you’ve heard as a birth mother?

“How could you give up your own child?” I wasn’t shocked because that’s everybody’s first question. I was eager to explain to them it’s not necessarily “giving up,” it’s giving a better life for the child and also for myself. I wasn’t ready to raise a kid; of course, people don’t know the whole story.

What do you wish people would understand about birth mothers?

That they’re doing what they do out of love and not because they’re irresponsible or that they don’t care, because we do care, that’s why we’re doing what we’re doing. They are still a big part of the child’s life (in an open adoption) and with the adoptive parents.

Best advice for a birth mother intending to place her child for adoption?

It’s OK to do adoption and it’s not making you a bad person in doing that and you are not alone. I wish I would have known that I wasn’t alone. It is a brave thing to do. Just don’t be scared to tell somebody about the situation and ask for help because there are people out there that will help. They (should) have support because it’s hard if you don’t have support.

Catholic Adoption Services is a licensed nonprofit agency at the Diocese of Little Rock that centers on semi-open adoption. The level of openness can vary, but the birth mother is able to choose which family is right for her child, after looking through profile books that explain about their lives. If both families are comfortable with it, photos, letters and gifts can be exchanged via Catholic Adoption Services agency until the child is 18, at which time that child and the birth parent or parents can each decide whether or not to meet. 

There is no orphanage for the agency. Birth parents either reach out to the adoption agency or a local hospital or pregnancy resource center notifies Catholic Adoption Services if a birth mother wants to place her child.

Antje Harris, director of Catholic Adoption Services, shared five tips that adoptive parents and birth parents need to know before going forward with the adoption process.

 

ADOPTIVE PARENTS

• Am I emotionally ready to parent a child who is not biologically related to me?

Because many looking to adopt may have struggled with infertility and miscarriages, it’s important to work through grief and get to a place of being “ready to be a parent, not a biological parent, but to open my heart and be a parent,” Harris said.

“Sometimes when they come to the office and they’re too sad, it’s understandable, but they might need a little more counseling, a little bit more time, and more healing,” she said. “… We can share information, so they know what the process is, but it might be too soon.”

 

• Am I comfortable with the agency and staff I’m considering? Have we established a relationship of trust?

“We have to trust each other. They have to know that I will give them every bit of information I can that’s not identifying” about a birth family,” Harris said. “… So do they trust me, do they feel comfortable working with us, are we the right agency for them? And maybe we’re not for a variety of reasons.”

 

• What are their policies on openness in adoption?

“We try to be extremely clear, not only with the written information, but when there’s a particular birth mom and what she expects, like she’d like to be able to meet them later in the year or around the first birthday or wants pictures, lots of little notes, or wants to give a gift. We try to match up what the adoptive parents are willing to do with what the birth mom is asking for,” Harris said.

 

• What are the fees? And what personal finance information will an agency need?

“We have (an) exhaustive document that we go over with them … we only ask for money for specific services up front,” unlike other agencies, Harris said. There are smaller fees, including an application fee, home study fee and a one-time profile fee. There is no larger placement fee until a family is going to court to legally adopt after a child is born and in their care.

Harris said families can apply for adoption tax credits available as well.

Harris said her agency has “comprehensive financial background forms” to make sure an adoptive family is financially able to care for a child.

 

• What kind of long term support can I expect from the staff?

“We are there for them, both the adoptive parents and the birth parents. We want them to turn to us if they have issues. I hear from adoptive and birth parents from many years in the past and we’re there for them,” Harris said.

 

Other tips: Harris said the agency looks for adoptive families who are physically healthy and do not smoke. An adoptive family does not have to be Catholic.

“If (a birth mother) doesn’t care and is just looking for a Christian family, we do have a preference for Catholic families,” Harris said.

The agency has enough adoptive families at this time, but would encourage birth parents wishing to create an adoption plan for their child to consider choosing Catholic Adoption Services.

“We are really not looking for more adoptive parents at this time as we have a substantial waiting list. We plan to open our list again after we have made additional placements with our great waiting families,” Harris said. “We are hoping that birth parents would like to consider placing their child with our agency when they understand more about what we and our families have to offer.”

 

BIRTH PARENTS

• Am I making my decision to place my child for adoption of my own free will and not being pressured?

“Sometimes there’s a birth father that wants them to place and they don’t want to,” Harris said, as well as parents pressuring a birth mother either way. We help a birth mother make this difficult decision to place or to parent her child of her own free will.”

 

• What assistance will the staff and agency provide for me?

Harris said, “We can help with some rental assistance, food, clothing and reasonable expenses. We especially provide counseling, medical referral and legal assistance.”

Other expenses like a car aren’t provided by CAS. Medical care is provided almost entirely by Medicaid, her insurance or through Catholic Adoption Services.

 

• Will I be able to select the adoptive family and meet them?

“Yes, they have a big say so. If they look at a profile and that’s not what they want,” that family is no longer considered, Harris said. A birth mother is also able to meet an adoptive family if that is clearly decided upon by all parties involved. Adoptive parents are very open to meeting with the birth mother, Harris added.

 

• What is the level of openness going forward?

“When somebody says they want an open adoption, they usually just mean pictures, letters and an occasional visit. We do not do adoptions where they are in and out of each other’s homes. They don’t share their last names, their phone numbers, their cells, addresses or emails. It’s all through the agency. So if a birth mom wants more openness than what we provide then we are not the right resource.”

 

Other tips: Birth fathers do have parental rights. A father can sign up for free with the Putative Father’s Registry, through the state Health Department. Any man can register if they believe they have fathered a child that may be placed for adoption.  He then has a right to notice that an adoption is pending. He may also contact an attorney about his paternal rights.

“We want him to have peace about the adoption too. We have some great birth father’s receiving pictures and counseling as well,” Harris said. However, “if he has not provided support to her while she’s been pregnant, it is possible for the court to terminate the father’s rights.”

There are circumstances where an agency would protect the privacy of a birth mother from a birth father, particularly for the safety of a mother or child.

A birth mother has a 10-day time period after a child is born to decide whether she wants to go forward with the adoption process. The baby is can be with a “cradle care family,” a select group of licensed foster parents through Catholic Adoption Services who care for babies in their home during the waiting period. Birth parents can waive the 10-day waiting period to five days, Harris said.

If a birth mother decides not to place her child for adoption, even if the agency has provided care for her throughout the pregnancy, there is never pressure to go forward with an adoption.  “Only the birth mother can make the decision to place her child for adoption,” Harris said.

For more information about Catholic Adoption Services, visit catholicadoptionservices.org.

Note: These policies are those of Catholic Adoption Services in Arkansas. Policies and contact agreements vary depending on the agency and the circumstances of the people involved.

While most Catholics in the state hear about the Catholic Arkansas Sharing Appeal in February, it is a yearlong program to support many diocesan, parish and school ministries.

“We really want to encourage everyone to make a pledge,” said Dianne Brady, diocesan development director.

Brady said that “while 1 percent (of your gross income) is the requested donation, every gift is important.”

Pledges can be made during the in-pew solicitation Feb. 4-5 in all parishes and paid out from March to December. One-time gifts are also appreciated.

“If we were to have 100 percent participation from all the Catholics in our diocese,” Brady said, “so much could be accomplished for the good of all.”

CASA will kick off with a recorded homily from Bishop Anthony B. Taylor in both English and Spanish. Pledge envelopes will be in the pews for parishioners to fill out.

Those who want to make a donation or pledge by credit card can visit dolr.org/online-giving.

“Today I invite you to be salt and light, to do your share in the building of the kingdom of God,” the bishop said in his recorded homily. “We do it in union with Jesus and as members of his body the Church, hence our annual Catholic Arkansas Sharing Appeal, CASA. CASA assists with those things that go beyond the capacity of our individual parishes: vocations, Catholic Charities, our faith formation programs, Catholic schools, Hispanic ministry, our deacon formation program, our tribunal and many others.” 

The diocese raised $1.85 million in 2016, about $150,000 short of its $2 million goal, Brady said. The gifts came from 6,391 individuals and families.

For 2017, continuing updates to buildings on the St. John Center campus in Little Rock are one of the main priorities for the Diocese of Little Rock. Of the six buildings on campus, four of them were built between 1916 and 1920. The others were built in 1965 and 1968.

Donations from 2016 made it possible for St. John Center to begin a multi-year project to improve and remodel several buildings. Dennis Lee, chancellor for administrative affairs, said the Diocese of Little Rock was able to install a new roof and gutters on Byrne Hall, repair the outside steps on Morris Hall and Byrne Hall and repair the sewer line to Fitzgerald Hall. Donations from this year will be dedicated to remodeling Fletcher Hall (See article this page). The diocese is setting aside $475,000 from CASA donations for this project.

Other programs to be supported by CASA 2017 are:

• Diocesan ministries, $550,000

• Parish and mission support, $200,000

• Youth and campus ministry, $150,000

• Grants to Catholic schools, $100,000

• Grants to faith formation programs, $100,000

• Clergy Welfare Fund, $100,000

• Seminarian expenses, $75,000

• Catholic Charities of Arkansas, $100,000

• Catholic Adoption Services, $50,000

For more information, call (501) 664-0340 or visit dolr.org/casa.