ROGERS  —  Answering God’s call can manifest in ways one might not expect. For Camas and Matt Maroney, longtime parishioners of St. Vincent de Paul Parish in Rogers, listening to their hearts has taken them on a journey that they want to share with others.

It all started with Camas feeling God was calling them to grow their family. 

“We couldn’t have more children, and I wanted to adopt,” Maroney said, “but my husband was hesitant and our two children, Annabelle and Aiden, were in high school at the time.” 

Worried they would regret the decision if they did not look into adoption, Maroney said making a connection with a foster family at her daughter’s soccer games inspired her to learn more. 

“Then I heard a radio story on fostering and felt maybe this was the direction we were being called.”

In 2019, the Maroney family became a family of six with the addition of two foster children. After two years of fostering, Maroney said their path changed. The stage of their lives and their children’s lives brought them to the recognition that God was not calling them to adopt.

“We realized that being a bridge is beautiful,” Maroney said of fostering children. 

Their prayers turned to finding a good home for the 1- and 2-year-old children they had brought into the family. Although the decision was a tough one, the two young children, then ages 4 and 5 years old, were both adopted together in 2021. 

However, Maroney’s journey was just beginning. 

Maroney wondered if other Catholic families had struggled and needed support. Armed with this question and others, Maroney reached out to The CALL in Northwest Arkansas, a Christian organization that recruits and trains foster families, to inquire about other Catholic families. 

“I wasn't seeing any other Catholic families fostering; we felt like we were on an island, so we wanted to help encourage Catholic families to foster because children in foster care do so much better in homes than shelters or group homes,” Maroney said.

She and co-founder, Sara Bridges, who fostered two children who she and her husband Sam adopted, began the Holy Family Foster and Adoption Support Ministry. The Bridges are members of St. Stephen Parish in Bentonville.

The Bridges, who also have one biological child, have fostered several children.  

"There are far more blessings than challenges," Sara said of their experience. "The challenges tend to come in the beginning of the placement in your home, as the current dynamic changes. The blessings are great, from the obvious of expanding our family, to the day-to-day of watching these children grow and thrive.”

The ministry partners with The CALL and Project Zero, whose mission is to “enthusiastically” promote adoption through the foster care system, where her husband, Matt Maroney, now serves on the board. In August, the first adoption event was held since the pandemic at St. Vincent de Paul with 45 children and 38 families in attendance. The event brings foster children and licensed families who are looking to adopt together for a day of fun activities, food and a chance for the families and children to talk to one another. The kids are given free haircuts, backpacks and school supplies. The ultimate goal is to match families with children for adoption. 

The ministry already has plans to host another event Aug. 5.

Maroney said of the 4,424 children that entered foster care in Arkansas in 2022, 52 percent came into the system due to neglect, while 48 percent needed to be placed in foster care because of substance abuse in their homes. Other reasons for foster care placement included parent incarceration, abuse, abandonment and caretaker illness. According to the Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System, a child enters foster care in the U.S. every two minutes.

“The length of their stay in foster care in Arkansas can be as long as 36 months, but the more typical is a six-24 months stay,” Maroney said.

“We are at a crisis level in the state of Arkansas,” Maroney said. “We lost 130 foster homes during the pandemic. There are not enough homes for children. There are about 4,500 children in the state in foster care. In northwest Arkansas alone, there are about 513 children from Bella Vista to Fayetteville, with maybe 180 homes in the area, and we feel foster care needs will increase in the next three-five years.”

According to Maroney, the sad news is there are not enough homes to the ratio of children. 

“Our ministry goal is to educate the community,” Maroney said. “We have 367 children in foster care waiting to be adopted, with most of the children being over the age of 6. Many people do not know you can adopt for free from foster care.”

Besides providing foster care, Maroney said there are other ways to help. 

“Snacks can be provided to the shelter because there are always children coming through, parents can also provide babysitting for those families who may need a night out or to travel for family emergencies,” she said. “The need for translators for Hispanic children and families has also really grown, and we do not have any Hispanic foster families so we want to grow in that area.”

In many ways, the journey has come full circle for Maroney, who said her grandmother was a foster child after she and her brother were abandoned in a movie theater during the Great Depression.. 

“Although I have never met her, it certainly made me understand more about her and my mother and the challenges they faced,” she said.

On the 20th anniversary of their adoption, Emily and Erica Verkamp were ready to share with the world how they were able to locate their biological family in Guatemala.

The 21-year-old twins said they created a YouTube video chronicling their search to locate their biological mother to help other young people who might be trying to connect with their birth families and heritage.

Their story began on July 24, 2001, when they were adopted by Deacon Mark and Tracy Verkamp when they were 7 months old. Photos show their arrival in the United States, held by sisters Jennifer, then 11, and Bethany, who was 9, surrounded by an extended family.

Although they had a happy childhood, they knew they were different from the other children in their small community in Franklin County and Sacred Heart Church.

“We always felt different because we looked different, and there weren’t many people with darker skin tones like ours,” Erica Verkamp said. “Our personalities were different. We were quiet and shy and found it hard to fit in.”

Emily added, “We had our twin connection and are a part of one another.”

They found a company called Guatemala Locator on Google, and, in emails to the team, learned what documents they would need to send to assist them in their search. The Verkamps gave them a file with a picture of the twins with their birth mother, fingerprints and attorney information. When Guatemala Locator found their birth mother in Guatemala City Dec. 26, 2020, an employee took a video as he verified her identity and let her know her daughters were trying to locate her.

“She cried, and said she felt really guilty,” Erica Verkamp said. “I think she was just overwhelmed.”

At first, they communicated by letter. Neither of the girls speaks Spanish, although Erica has now decided to minor in Spanish at the University of Arkansas Fort Smith. Eventually, they did video calls with older sister Jennifer Verkamp-Ruthven, director of Catholic Immigration Services, serving as translator.

“Our biological mother, three older sisters, two older brothers and nieces and nephews were there,” said Erica Verkamp, a junior at UAFS majoring in music. “Everyone cried. I don’t remember what we all said. A lot of the time we just looked at each other. We haven’t asked her any questions about why she needed to find an adoptive family for us, or who our biological father is.”

“Our parents were really happy for us. They cried when we first met our biological family. Mom made a blanket with all our childhood pictures, and we sent it to them.”

Since that first video meeting Jan. 10, 2021, the twins have texted with their siblings and sent their birth mother money to buy her diabetes medication. An official with Guatemala Locator told them their biological family lived in the “red zone” of Guatemala City, and that it was dangerous to travel there. The Verkamps told the twins they could take a trip to Guatemala in safer times if older sister Jennifer, who has traveled extensively in Central America, accompanied them.

“We are very fortunate to have this life. Our parents provide so much for us,” Erica Verkamp said. “My parents said my birth mother only had a first-grade education, and my being in college is such a blessing. One of my dreams is that one or two members of our biological family could visit us in Charleston.”

Their mother Tracy Verkamp is happy for them.

“For years, I wondered if they would want to learn about their biological family,” she said, “and I was very supportive of their finding them. It has made a positive impact on them.”

Emily Verkamp, a nail technician at a local salon, agreed.

“As we sent pictures back and forth with our biological family and saw we looked the same, we finally felt comfortable feeling different,” she said.

Watch their story on YouTube at https://bit.ly/verkamps.

WASHINGTON — A mother and daughter traveled to Washington, D.C., Jan. 24 to participate in the national March for Life and honor the circle of grace that brought them together more than a year ago.

In 1967 Linda Gattas was an unmarried 18-year-old girl facing pregnancy in an unaccepting time. She had recently graduated from high school, a Church of Christ member living in Memphis with her family. But as her pregnancy began to show, her parents sent her to the Florence Crittendon Home in Little Rock. Desperately lonely, Gattas tried to remain strong and healthy the remainder of her pregnancy.

She remembers the night in April 1968 when she called a cab to take her to St. Vincent Infirmary in Little Rock where she gave birth to a healthy girl. Because the baby was to become property of the state before being adopted, Gattas said she was never allowed to hold the baby. The next day, Gattas remembered, her father drove to Little Rock to pick her up from the hospital, and the subject of what had happened was never brought up in the family again.

“I grieved for the baby. It was very difficult,” Gattas said. “But neither set of parents felt we were ready to take this kind of responsibility on, but it was important to me that the baby go to a Christian family or a Church of Christ family.”

Gattas recalls how stressful the situation was on her parents, yet her siblings — a brother and sister — never knew what had happened.

Following the baby’s birth, Gattas was determined to get her life on track and enrolled at the University of Memphis that summer. She went on to earn her degree in secondary education with an emphasis in home economics and a minor in art.

“I felt like I was on the road to recovery,” Gattas recalled of her college years.

She became a teacher at rural Bolton High School.

“I wanted to help students who had experienced what I had experienced,” she said, “but four years later, I was emotionally drained.”

She was offered a job in medical sales after teaching and continued in sales with other companies.

Another way Gattas stayed busy was to join a snow skiing club in Memphis. Unlikely as it sounded, she found solace in these meetings, becoming president of the ski club. Her skiing improved and she found the love of her life, James Gattas. After dating for three years, the two married in 1984 and had a son in 1985.

Gattas went with her husband to Mass, and longing for a man with a strong faith life, she converted to Catholicism at 36. With a stepdaughter and a son, Gattas had a family to raise. However, she never forgot about the baby girl she had seen through the window years before.

“I always hoped I would get to meet her one day,” she said.

Years passed, until one day the improbable happened.

“I received an email from her,” Gattas remembers about that day in August 2018. “I went numb.”

Five hours away, anxiously awaiting a response, Beth McClinton received the first communication she had ever received from her mom.

“I’m so glad you reached out, I have prayed for you your whole life,” McClinton read the message on her phone.

The two arranged to meet in Little Rock the next day.

McClinton came from Fayetteville with her husband, Kenneth, and three children, Samuel, 19, Isaac, 17, and Mary Elizabeth, 9. Gattas traveled from Memphis with her husband.

“I knew that behind the door,” said McClinton of the first meeting, “was what I had waited and prayed for my entire life.”

Finally coming face-to-face with a person you have only imagined for 50 years and discovering you shared the same eye color, hair color, mannerisms and laugh was astonishing, Gattas said.

“The biggest surprise,” she said, “is that we were both Catholic. But also how much we look alike, how much we are in sync, and how we pick up after each other’s sentences.”

“The closeness and the familiarity, it was instant,” Gattas added. “It was like finding myself.”

The months following were a blur of celebrations, holidays and catching up. New family members were introduced and their lives were forever changed. McClinton and her family all attended the 70th birthday of their newfound mother and grandmother in Memphis. Likewise, Gattas came for McClinton’s 51st birthday.

McClinton, a parishioner at St. Joseph Church in Fayetteville, remembers the momentous day in 2018 when the records from the Office of Vital Statistics in Little Rock were finally unsealed. She made a trip to Little Rock to see if her records could be found. McClinton’s adopted parents, now deceased, gave her very little information about her birth mother when she was growing up.

“I knew my birthday,” she said, “but I didn’t know my name on the birth certificate until I was a freshman in college.”

McClinton ached to know more, and as she got older inquired at the hospital she was born, sought legal help, took DNA tests and searched out social worker notes but to no avail.

“When they finally found my file in August of 2018,” she recalled, “I didn’t know what would happen. I just wanted to let my birth mother know who I was, and I appreciated the sacrifice and what she had done.”

“My heart was full of love for the life she had given me,” said McClinton who was Methodist before converting to Catholicism.

“When we contacted one another, I had no expectations. But it was amazing! I needed to do it, but I didn’t think there was any way of having a relationship,” said McClinton, who currently teaches at Ozark Catholic Academy High School in Tontitown. “I just had to pray and trust.”

A year and a half later, mother and daughter were reunited, sitting on a bus to Washington, D.C., swapping stories and laughing as if they had known one another their entire lives. They traveled with OCA and McClinton’s son, Isaac, an OCA junior, to celebrate the pro-life decision Gattas made in 1968.

“It’s been quite a year for us,” McClinton said.

Dr. Courtney Sick, an OB/GYN at Renaissance Women’s Center in Conway, meets with about 20 to 30 people each month who struggle with infertility, which is common among doctors in her field today.

The St. Joseph parishioner, who converted to the faith in 2002 before marrying her husband Tony, said there are several misconceptions surrounding infertility.

“I have a lot of patients that come in and think that there’s no way I’d be able to afford any infertility workup or treatments, when actually their coverage is pretty good and they don’t have to pay pretty much for anything,” she said, adding that couples also assume there’s a risk of multiple children at once. “We see all the TV shows where people have six kids, eight kids and that is really, really rare … we really have been able in this past five years or so to decrease the amount of people who end of up with twins, triplets.”

Because treatments like artificial insemination and in vitro fertilization (IVF) are counter to Church teaching, Sick said a lot of Catholic couples assume they do not have options.

“There are so many things that are able to be tried before that, be it pills, injections. There’s so many things that could be the case of the infertility. You may need a surgery before if there’s something with your uterus or fallopian tubes,” Sick said. “There may be something with the guy we need to get addressed and fixed.”

Throughout the past four years in Conway, she’s only had two patients opt for IVF. In most cases, it’s as simple as couple’s not timing intercourse correctly with a woman’s cycle. 

“Some people think they need to have sex every day during that time in order to get pregnant, but that actually decreases your chance of pregnancy. So you want to time intercourse every other day so the male sperm count stays normal. That’s what I see a lot of couples do wrong.”

Other common factors that affect fertility include male sperm count, Sick said. A urologist can assist in ways to boost the count, including in some cases getting off of medications that decrease it. Issues with women can include blocked or infected fallopian tubes, endometriosis and fibroids in the uterus.

“For women probably the most common thing is called anovulation, so they’re not ovulating an egg. Especially this day and age because obesity plays a role in that, lifestyles and stuff, we see more and more of that,” Sick said. “… Losing weight, eating healthy is a really big deal with women. That can increase your rate of fertility by leaps and bounds.”

There are scenarios where there are no identifiable reasons for infertility.

“The ones where we don’t know the reason are harder emotionally for patients to deal with and understand. We do see that a lot where we just don’t know. I think that’s a lot of things in life we just don’t know why,” Sick said, adding that there are still treatment options to try even in those scenarios.

Sick suggests Catholic couples talk with a priest or deacon about why certain options do and don’t align with Church teaching.

“I think there’s a lot of counseling and stuff you kind of do even as OB/GYN doctors, talking to these patients about what your end goal is; your end goal is to be a parent. And you want to do that without compromising what your core values are and your spiritual beliefs, your ethical, religious type beliefs. You don’t want to sacrifice that if there’s other ways you can become a parent,” she said.

Sick faced what was likely infertility as well as health issues that made pregnancy high risk. The couple adopted three children through Catholic Adoption Services, including Luci, who died after being born premature at 25 weeks.

“Sometimes it’s very hard for families and couples to give up having a biological child … I tell patients we’re just as much Oscar and Sydney’s mom and dad, as if they had come from my own body,” Sick said. “That was hard for a little bit, especially for my husband. It took a little bit longer for him to come to grips with that. But now we look at it and there’s no other way we want to be parents but adoption. I don’t want to be pregnant. I love the way that we’ve gotten our children. I think it gives me a different perspective as a doctor having gone through adoption because I can talk to these people about adoption as an option.”

At 5 a.m. on Sunday morning, Monica Weisenfels’ alarm rings. She’ll generally snooze another 30 minutes, but when she and her husband Brandon must get eight children under the age of 10 to 8 a.m. Mass, there’s no more hitting the alarm.

Everyone needs to take their medications due to scars from a life vastly different from their current existence. The family doesn’t have time for breakfast, but donuts are the reward after Mass. However, the family decided to give up donuts for Lent.

“We don’t have any bribery for church anymore,” Brandon laughed.

“There’s a lot of chaos and running around. Sometimes we have kids going to church in their PJs or no shoes. But we make it somehow,” Monica said.

For the Weisenfels, parishioners at Blessed Sacrament Church in Jonesboro, it’s just a snippet of their beautifully imperfect life that’s been blessed with eight miracles the past seven years through fostering and adopting. “Making it somehow” could easily be the family mantra, but they are “making it” with God’s unfailing help. 

On Feb. 20, the Weisenfels adopted biological siblings Isabelle, 10, Jacob, 5, and Anna María, 2. They previously adopted biological siblings Autumn, 10, Tiffany, 9, Brandon Allen, 7, Veronica, 5, and Augustine, 3.

Brandon, director of Catholic Campus Ministry at Blessed John Newman University Parish at Arkansas State University in Jonesboro, married Monica, who taught pre-K on and off for 20 years, in July 1996.

“I knew I wanted a big family … I come from a family of nine,” Monica said, with Brandon adding, “I said four and she said seven.”

For 17 years the couple tried to conceive, even going to the Pope Paul VI Institute in Nebraska “to see why we weren’t getting pregnant,” Monica said. They then realized God was calling them to adopt.

“We went through several organizations we found it was way too expensive for us to afford,” but with fostering through the state Department of Human Services, there was little cost, Brandon said.

Then there were five

The couple decided they would foster two children, but on Feb. 14, 2012, they were asked to foster three siblings, ages 3, 2 and six weeks old (Autumn, Tiffany and Brandon). Monica was teaching at Blessed Sacrament School when her husband called.

“I said, ‘Well, let’s pray about it,’ but he said ‘no they’re coming today if we agree.’ I was like wow. It was quite a shock, but it was such a blessing,” Monica said. “… By the time I got home from work that day our living room and outside our house had beds, clothes, food and all kinds of stuff,” from friends, family and fellow parishioners.

The children came from an abusive home, and the youngest had medical issues from drug exposure in utero. Trips to Arkansas Children’s Hospital in Little Rock became routine, Brandon said. They adopted them in December 2012.

“We didn’t know how to make a bottle, we didn’t know what they ate,” he said. “It’s like bringing home newborn triplets, but we didn’t have nine months to prepare for it. You know if you have a good marriage or not after the first two days … It also strengthened us a lot,” he said.

They then fostered their two other siblings, Veronica and Augustine, who were age 2½ and a newborn at the time.

About two and half years ago, they fostered Isabelle and Jacob. Anna Maria was not yet born.

“I prayed a lot,” on whether to foster and adopt her too, Monica said. “The last words I heard from God were ‘May she be yours as you are mine.’ I said alright God, as long as you are here with me. We can’t do it on our own.”

Holy family

One child attends Blessed Sacrament School, while the other school-age children are spread out across three public schools to fit their unique medical needs: ADHD due to meth use, reactive attachment disorder from major trauma, oppositional defiant disorder and anxiety.

“If it wasn’t for our faith, we couldn’t have done it at all. At one point after the first three we said, ‘Oh, we can’t do this.’ Then the phone call came for two more brothers and sisters. … You have to take care of the orphans. That’s one of our major calls of the Church,” Brandon said.

Despite their struggles, each child brings something special to the family, Monica said: Autumn is shy, but will open up once she finds someone is listening; Isabelle loves Jesus and wants to be a religious sister one day; Tiffany has a kind heart and sensitive demeanor; Brandon Allen is a mover who enjoys caring for his sisters and mother; Jacob is a ball of energy until he’s ready to cuddle; Veronica is friendly, with a spunky energy that will have anyone laughing with her giggles and stories; Augustine is on the move, but loves observing, learning and watching the priest celebrate Mass; and the youngest Anna María sweetly says “Hi” to anyone she meets.

“Isabelle told me once that she was glad they got to come live with us because they get to learn about God and they didn’t know about a God before,” Monica said, recalling special moments.

Monica stays home, selling Usborne books online and Brandon is grateful to be leading college students, who have both prayed for and babysat his children. 

The family finds free activities like going to the local nature center, park, library programs and watching movies together, as well as family prayer time.

For now, the Weisenfels family is done expanding, as the state does not allow fostering in a home with eight children under 18.

“It’s not an easy process but to me as Catholics, especially being pro-life, it is what it means to be pro-life,” he said.

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When Michael and Rebecca made the decision to adopt, they were heartbroken to learn parents willing to adopt a child of a different race were few and far between.

But making the decision to consider interracial adoption — adopting a child of a different race — requires cultural research, living a life of diversity, making sure a child’s heritage is nurtured and realizing the dynamic of the family is now multi-cultural.

It can be challenging and interracial, also known as transracial, adoption is not for every family. But for Michael and Rebecca, their daughter Olivia was worth it.

“We also didn’t limit God. If we had not decided that, we would have missed out on the blessing of having Olivia,” who is biracial, Michael said. “She’s a delight every day, she keeps us laughing.”

BECOMING A FAMILY

Antje Harris, director of Catholic Adoption Services, a licensed nonprofit agency through Catholic Charities of Arkansas, said the nonprofit is open to interracial adoption, but is also looking for black families willing to adopt.

“We don’t have a lot of placements, that’s just the reality. Teen pregnancy is down and more teens are parenting children, more grandparents are helping to raise the child. And for a variety of reasons there are fewer children available for adoption,” she said.

To adopt a black or biracial child, Harris said there are several factors to consider, including having diverse relatives and friends, if the family is willing to adopt another child of a different race down the road and where the adoptive family lives. The agency looks for areas that are more metropolitan or open to diversity, particularly college cities.

“There are certain areas that transracial adoption wouldn’t be accepted very well. And sometimes the families say to us, ‘Well, we’d be OK with it, but my dad wouldn’t or our community wouldn’t.’ We do this with a tremendous amount of thought and care,” Harris said. “We would be honest with them if we thought their community was perhaps not a very welcoming community or if they were in a small town and that was going to be the only black child in the school or one of two.”

With any adoption, parents need to understand that this will be “their child. It’s not their transracial child; this is the child of their heart.”

COMMUNITY SUPPORT

Melanie and Eric moved in 2008 to a small Iowa city, with a population that’s grown to about 60,000 people while also growing in diversity. They have two Caucasian sons and in 2015, they adopted HopeAnn, who will be 2 years old in late November. HopeAnn is biracial and her birthmother was a client at Jericho Way, a day resource center for the homeless in Little Rock. The couple has always been open to interracial adoption, as Melanie grew up with two adopted sisters from Costa Rica.

“We weren’t just looking that our immediate family would be open to a child of color, but to our larger community. Will there be other people to look up to that would match them in skin color?” she said.

While the couple has a diverse group of friends, the couple made sure their nondenominational Christian church had black role models for their daughter.

“It was more fear and insecurity on my part. Are they going to judge me or look down on me or think I’m not a good enough to be a mom to her?” Melanie said. “It took some courage to step out and be a part of their community,” but she has been welcomed with “joy.”

Community support can also be fostered within a family. Rebecca and Michael, who lived in Arkansas but now live in another state, created a picture book for Olivia that included photos of her birth mother, Alex, who is black, and the adoption process. The families meet about once a year.

“We don’t want her to be ashamed of it. We started reading it to her as a baby and still read it to her today. We want her to know the steps involved and (to be) proud that she’s adopted,” Rebecca said of Olivia.

‘LOOKS LIKE YOU’

Children often look up to their parents, but for white parents, it’s important that their black or biracial child also have ethnic role models in their lives.

“So I think historically when people would adopt children of another race, some families still do it, there’s this kind of ‘love sees no color’ kind of thing, which is really damaging. It basically ignores the identity of the child,” said Susan, whose name has been changed to protect the privacy of her family.

She and her husband, who live in central Arkansas, adopted two black sons.

“Our whole process is to recognize they are African American and to create a world where they see people who look like them all the time.”

Adoptive families said they’ve purchased books that depict black people and toys and dolls that celebrate African American culture.

When President Barack Obama was elected, Susan said, “we played that up, ‘he looks like you,’” she said. They take their sons to a black pediatrician, seek out a black Santa Claus at Christmas time, put up a black nativity scene and attend the annual Juneteenth commemoration, which recognizes the end of slavery in the U.S., put on by the Mosaic Templars Cultural Center in Little Rock.

“Hair is actually a big deal,” said Hannah Allen, 26, who is biracial and was adopted by white parents as a baby. “I know it can sound trivial, but I’m pretty passionate about hair,” as her mother made some hair missteps when she was a child.

“Just being knowledgeable about hairstyles and being connected with an African American community,” that can point parents in the right direction is key.

It’s exactly the kind of help Rebecca and Michael sought.

“We took some online classes on home hair care, braiding and met with black hairstylists,” Rebecca said.

TOUGH, BUT WORTH IT

Even though each family is unique, they share the confusing stares in grocery stores, the nosy questions and the fears of how society will treat their children.

“I remember when she was first born and we’d go out and people would just exclaim how beautiful she was. A lot of times, obviously she is beautiful, I felt like it was people were uncomfortable because she doesn’t look like the rest of her family and had a lot of questions, but were afraid to ask,” Melanie said of HopeAnn.

Rebecca said she has learned how to navigate the sometimes “hateful stares” and ignorant comments, like asking if Olivia is “hers,” because “Olivia is watching and listening and I don’t want her to get the wrong self-worth from those reactions.”

It’s a lesson Hannah Allen learned the hard way while in eighth grade. Her family created a loving environment, but in school, a white girl pointed out how she was different.

“I got very insecure and did not want to talk about it at all,” she said.

It wasn’t until she served as a summer camp counselor in high school that opened her eyes to God’s love.

“I just feel I encountered the Lord in Jesus. He spoke to me a lot about being his child and being beautiful and worthy.”

Protecting a child is often written into a parent’s DNA, but most can’t be shielded from society. According to the Southern Poverty Law Center, there are 917 hate groups operating in the United States. Of those, there are 130 groups of the Ku Klux Klan and 99 Neo-Nazi groups.

“All of the things you see in the news right now … frankly it scares me to death for the future,” Susan said, regarding her black sons. She pointed to police profiling and brutality, discrepancies in school discipline between black and white students and a court system that punishes black people more harshly.

The Washington Post reported in a 2016 article that 13 percent of the U.S. population is black but make up 24 percent of fatal police shootings, compared with white people, who make up 62 percent of the population but are only 49 percent of those shot and killed. This means black people are 2.5 times as likely as white people to be killed by a police officer.

“You just know from the research it’s the reality,” Susan said. “… I’ve seen other white adoptive moms talk about this. When we’re out and together as a family in some ways they adopt white privilege,” but when they are alone, they will be treated differently, she added.

Alex, 26, who attends college in North Carolina, is the birth mother of Olivia, the adoptive daughter of Rebecca and Michael.

“I think with this day and age they need to make sure their children know, ‘Yeah, your white friends can do this, but you can’t because there are situations you can be hurt,’” Alex said, adding that the child needs to “be OK with being black because sometimes it’s really hard to be OK with it just because you’re not treated the same. Definitely find positive role models, maybe someone they can talk to, to share these similar experiences; branch out and have different kinds of friends.”

Even though the challenges are real, Melanie said it’s important to be open and informed before choosing to adopt any child, but particularly a child of a different race.

“It’s not all rainbows and unicorns. There’s a lot of beauty and a lot of love and it takes that positive outlook to make it work … but you can’t go into it completely blindsided either,” she said, adding their faith in God helps guide their decisions. “… Our common belief in Christ is what transcends all the dividing issues. God is for family.”

Note: To protect their privacy, families asked that their last names not be printed. All families interviewed for this story adopted a child through Catholic Adoption Services in Little Rock.

Hannah Allen’s life has been filled with love and support. Growing up with five siblings, she stood out with God-given talents — excelling at soccer, playing the saxophone, cheerleading and growing to know the Lord.

“She is just an amazing, smart, talented young woman,” said her mother, Kathy Allen, adding “She’s had a compassionate heart for the Lord. She learned to play guitar and leads worship at her church.”

Today, Hannah, 26, is engaged to be married in December and working at Families, Inc. counseling agency in Searcy for children with behavioral issues and mood disorders.

Her parents Ray and Kathy Allen raised her to be the woman she is today.

“I think they’re just about the coolest people I’ve ever met. They really are,” Hannah said. “The older I’ve gotten, I’ve realized they are who I want to be like.”

While she is forever grateful to her parents, in 2009, Hannah also got to thank the woman who made the courageous decision to give her a chance at life.

Hannah was adopted as a baby through Catholic Adoption Services, a licensed nonprofit agency of Catholic Charities of Arkansas. Her reunion with her birth mother, Melissa, whose name has been changed to protect her privacy, was one of joy.

“It was amazing. I will say I know that not every reunification was like mine. Mine was very blissful, beautiful — neither one of us has any addictions, we’re both Christians, it was the most ideal situations. It was a really awesome experience,” she said.

A YOUNG LIFE CHANGED

Melissa experienced heartbreak early in life. As a young child, her mother abandoned her and her siblings, leaving her dad to raise them. When she was 13 years old, Hannah was conceived. The birth father was 19.

“Unbelief, disappointment, probably a lot of shame,” Melissa said she felt when she found out she was pregnant. “Just not really happy with myself at all.”

Instead of having an abortion, Melissa chose an adoption plan.

“When I think about that I just get emotional,” Hannah said, knowing that society would have supported abortion. “… Being the human life that was given life, chosen not to abort, I can’t stand behind the idea of abortion for any reason. That’s my whole existence.”

Melissa said she had “big dreams” and goals for not only herself, but for her daughter.

“I knew that I couldn’t raise her. We grew up poor, my grandmother also lived with us and we weren’t in the position to take care of a baby … She should be raised in a family that they can have everything they need and that would not have happened,” she said, adding that when Hannah was born, it was still “tough.” “But I just knew that it was the right thing to do. I don’t think I ever had any second guesses.”

LOVING FAMILY

Kathy and Ray Allen, of Russellville, had three biological children and because of their desire for a large family, chose adoption. They joined a statewide adoption group, learning of the great need for interracial adoption, adopting a child of a different race. They adopted their son Isaac, mixed Apache and black, from Arizona. They adopted Hannah, who is also biracial, and later had another biological child.

Hannah and Isaac both grew up attending the adoption support group meetings and the family had honest conversations about adoption.

“It’s like God sends you kids in all different ways and this is how you came to be our daughter … God sent her to us so that was just kind of matter of fact,” Kathy Allen said of Hannah.

“They loved me and Isaac,” Hannah said. “They just loved me so much and treated me exactly the same.”

Throughout the years, the Allens and Melissa exchanged letters, photos and gifts through Catholic Adoption Services and when Hannah turned 18, she knew she wanted to meet her birth mother, something her parents were both excited about.

“I felt secure in being Hannah’s mother. We have a heart-to-heart connection, nothing would change that; we are mother and daughter,” Kathy said.

REUNION

Meeting at the Catholic Adoption Services office, Hannah heard her laugh and saw her smile on the face of Melissa.

“People have commented my whole life on my laugh and how unique it was … and when I met her I saw in her the same thing … that was kind of cool,” she said.

“She’s the most (dedicated) human rights activist I know, a fiery person,” having worked in social work and now teaching, Hannah said. Knowing Hannah is also passionate about social work “is really cool,” Melissa said.

Hannah will visit Melissa, who is married with two children in another state, at least once a year. Her adoptive and birth families have also met.

“Eighteen years, you wondered what was she going to be like and what she would think about me. At the time I met her I was pregnant with my son. It was exciting,” Melissa said. “It made me even more proud of my decision that she turned out to be this light. She’s God’s light and she shines wherever she goes and I’m thankful I was able to be the person, even though I think in the beginning there was a lot of shame, I’m happy I was able to give birth to her and she is … doing Christ’s work helping other people.”

While reuniting with her birth mother forged a lifelong relationship, Hannah said meeting her birth father was “very different.” He contacted her through Facebook while she was a college freshman and at the time, she was “pretty resentful,” telling him to contact Catholic Adoption Services.

She also did not want to upset her brother Isaac, whose birth parents did not want contact.

Isaac died in 2014 at age 24 and the loss made her “realize a lot of things about life. One that it is short,” Hannah said.

So in 2015, she took a friend with her and met her birth father in a public place.

“If I could help someone else feel closure or whatever else he was looking for, I was going to do that,” she said. “… It was not bad at all. He actually has a cool story of his own” about recognizing Christ and now serves as a church elder. 

They do not keep in touch, but Hannah said, “I’m glad I forgave him.”

Ray Allen said he was never threatened when Hannah met both Melissa and her birth father.

“Hannah was raised in a family with a lot of love and a very stable environment,” he said. “… I wasn’t threatened, I played with Hannah growing up and did all the things a dad would do … we all loved each other.”

While each adoptee has different feelings about meeting birth parents, Hannah said in her life, it was just another piece of the puzzle that makes up the story of her life.

“They’re my mom and dad, they raised me. Nothing can change that,” she said of her parents, adding that meeting birth parents, “… I think it does provide some understanding and self-awareness. I had more insight on areas of my own life that I didn’t know before. Just seeing her and our similarities I realized things about me that were unique and beautiful.”

When the time came for our son’s birth mom to leave the hospital, she had asked to say goodbye before she left. As Laura stood there holding Will, the love she felt for him filled the room.

She looked at him as if to memorize every detail of his face, his hands and his feet. As time went on, I felt her pain and grief so strongly that I didn’t know if I could take it. There were no words to name this moment.

All at once, I felt grief at her loss. I felt anger that what should have been the happiest day of our lives — one that we had waited years to experience — was consumed by fear that maybe this was wrong and I had no right to take another woman’s child. How could this be right? She hurt so deeply. How could this be of God?

Just when I thought my heart would explode, Laura handed Will back to me. Looking into each other’s eyes, mother to mother, we held each other as we cried with our son in my arms. Over and over I said, “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

I worried that those words seemed insensitive, maybe even cruel. But somehow she smiled. It was as if she needed me to tell her how happy her sacrifice was making my husband and me.

It seems impossible to believe that she was 14 years old at the time. A child herself, she made a choice that required maturity far beyond her years. Because of this, when I looked at her, I did not see a teenage girl who got pregnant, I saw a mother who chose life for her son, a mother who sacrificed herself so her child could have what she could not provide, a mother whom I not only admired but who taught me what being a mother really is.

In a very real sense, she modeled the Paschal Mystery. She surrendered her child, not because she didn’t love him, but because she loved him. She died to her own wants and desires, set aside her own basic instincts, so that her child would not just live, but live abundantly. (John 10:10)

I have struggled so much with that. From my perspective that sounds so arrogant. How can I tell the story this way? The implication was that my husband and I would be the source of that abundant life. Laura chose us after all. That is how this worked. She looked at our profile, saw something that touched her more than any of the others and picked us to be her son’s parents. How could this be? We are only human. How could we ever meet her expectations?

We have an open adoption with Laura and her family. So in the visits that followed our adoption, I could not be myself. I felt that I had to do the right things, say the right things, model all the correct parenting techniques — all the while hiding the overwhelming struggles, worries and extreme sleep deprivation that all first-time parents experience.

How could I tell Laura that this was harder than I ever imagined and I wasn’t sure what to do from one minute to the next? So I didn’t. We talked about Will, his development and shared photos and stories. We absorbed her struggles and did what we could to help her heal.

Two years later, my husband and I are just beginning to get perspective on our journey to parenthood. Time, prayer and love have helped us to recognize God in all of this.

As for Laura, she plans to go to college and be a labor and delivery nurse because she wants to help others like the nurses who helped her through the scariest experience of her life. Gradually, her time with Will has become more joyous and less painful. I have come to understand that seeing the bond we have with Will confirms her decision and helps her move on.

I cannot speak for all adoptions. Each is as unique as the people involved. As for my experience, I will always struggle with the fact that Will has another mom. But that struggle is teaching me humility and opening my heart in ways I never thought possible. Laura is part of our family as we are hers.

And I now realize that Laura did not pick us, God did. Although I am in awe of that truth, my job is to honor it. Let go of my fears and trust that God has a plan for Will that includes me and my husband as his parents. Will does not belong to Laura or my husband and me, he belongs to God. “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I dedicated you …” (Jeremiah 1:5)

Tara Little is the director of website and internet services for the Diocese of Little Rock. Her family attends Our Lady of the Lake Church in Branson, Mo. Nightlight Christian Adoptions, formerly known as Love Basket, a Christian adoption agency based in St. Louis, assisted with their adoption.

There are many misconceptions surrounding adoption. Here, two women speak out about the lessons they learned.

Adoptive mother

Mary and her husband live in Central Arkansas. They adopted a daughter through Catholic Adoption Services and are waiting to adopt again. Her name has been changed to protect the family’s privacy.

What is the worst comment you’ve heard as an adoptive mother?

I think the one that bothered me the most was after we adopted our daughter is “Well, now you’re going to get pregnant and have a child of our own.” We’d say, “Well, we have a child of our own, our daughter.”

What do you wish people would understand about adoptive parents?

People sometimes will ask us about our daughter’s real parents. Parenting is not just biology. Parenting is the love, the compassion, time and resources it takes to raise a child. Being a real parent is about the sleepless nights, the skinned knees, the doctor’s visits and the first day of school. So when you ask about our daughter’s real parents, please don’t be surprised when we say you’re looking at them.

Best advice for people looking to adopt?

Adopting a child can be an emotional roller coaster. My advice is to hold on tight, keep your eye on the prize, follow the lead of your adoption specialist and trust the process. All children are gifts from God and I truly believe that you receive the child you’re supposed to receive.

Birth mother

Sara, who preferred to use her first name only, lives in Central Arkansas and made an adoption plan for her child after he was born in January 2016.

What is the worst comment you’ve heard as a birth mother?

“How could you give up your own child?” I wasn’t shocked because that’s everybody’s first question. I was eager to explain to them it’s not necessarily “giving up,” it’s giving a better life for the child and also for myself. I wasn’t ready to raise a kid; of course, people don’t know the whole story.

What do you wish people would understand about birth mothers?

That they’re doing what they do out of love and not because they’re irresponsible or that they don’t care, because we do care, that’s why we’re doing what we’re doing. They are still a big part of the child’s life (in an open adoption) and with the adoptive parents.

Best advice for a birth mother intending to place her child for adoption?

It’s OK to do adoption and it’s not making you a bad person in doing that and you are not alone. I wish I would have known that I wasn’t alone. It is a brave thing to do. Just don’t be scared to tell somebody about the situation and ask for help because there are people out there that will help. They (should) have support because it’s hard if you don’t have support.

Catholic Adoption Services is a licensed nonprofit agency at the Diocese of Little Rock that centers on semi-open adoption. The level of openness can vary, but the birth mother is able to choose which family is right for her child, after looking through profile books that explain about their lives. If both families are comfortable with it, photos, letters and gifts can be exchanged via Catholic Adoption Services agency until the child is 18, at which time that child and the birth parent or parents can each decide whether or not to meet. 

There is no orphanage for the agency. Birth parents either reach out to the adoption agency or a local hospital or pregnancy resource center notifies Catholic Adoption Services if a birth mother wants to place her child.

Antje Harris, director of Catholic Adoption Services, shared five tips that adoptive parents and birth parents need to know before going forward with the adoption process.

ADOPTIVE PARENTS

• Am I emotionally ready to parent a child who is not biologically related to me?

Because many looking to adopt may have struggled with infertility and miscarriages, it’s important to work through grief and get to a place of being “ready to be a parent, not a biological parent, but to open my heart and be a parent,” Harris said.

“Sometimes when they come to the office and they’re too sad, it’s understandable, but they might need a little more counseling, a little bit more time, and more healing,” she said. “… We can share information, so they know what the process is, but it might be too soon.”

• Am I comfortable with the agency and staff I’m considering? Have we established a relationship of trust?

“We have to trust each other. They have to know that I will give them every bit of information I can that’s not identifying” about a birth family,” Harris said. “… So do they trust me, do they feel comfortable working with us, are we the right agency for them? And maybe we’re not for a variety of reasons.”

• What are their policies on openness in adoption?

“We try to be extremely clear, not only with the written information, but when there’s a particular birth mom and what she expects, like she’d like to be able to meet them later in the year or around the first birthday or wants pictures, lots of little notes, or wants to give a gift. We try to match up what the adoptive parents are willing to do with what the birth mom is asking for,” Harris said.

• What are the fees? And what personal finance information will an agency need?

“We have (an) exhaustive document that we go over with them … we only ask for money for specific services up front,” unlike other agencies, Harris said. There are smaller fees, including an application fee, home study fee and a one-time profile fee. There is no larger placement fee until a family is going to court to legally adopt after a child is born and in their care.

Harris said families can apply for adoption tax credits available as well.

Harris said her agency has “comprehensive financial background forms” to make sure an adoptive family is financially able to care for a child.

• What kind of long term support can I expect from the staff?

“We are there for them, both the adoptive parents and the birth parents. We want them to turn to us if they have issues. I hear from adoptive and birth parents from many years in the past and we’re there for them,” Harris said.

Other tips: Harris said the agency looks for adoptive families who are physically healthy and do not smoke. An adoptive family does not have to be Catholic.

“If (a birth mother) doesn’t care and is just looking for a Christian family, we do have a preference for Catholic families,” Harris said.

The agency has enough adoptive families at this time, but would encourage birth parents wishing to create an adoption plan for their child to consider choosing Catholic Adoption Services.

“We are really not looking for more adoptive parents at this time as we have a substantial waiting list. We plan to open our list again after we have made additional placements with our great waiting families,” Harris said. “We are hoping that birth parents would like to consider placing their child with our agency when they understand more about what we and our families have to offer.”

BIRTH PARENTS

• Am I making my decision to place my child for adoption of my own free will and not being pressured?

“Sometimes there’s a birth father that wants them to place and they don’t want to,” Harris said, as well as parents pressuring a birth mother either way. We help a birth mother make this difficult decision to place or to parent her child of her own free will.”

• What assistance will the staff and agency provide for me?

Harris said, “We can help with some rental assistance, food, clothing and reasonable expenses. We especially provide counseling, medical referral and legal assistance.”

Other expenses like a car aren’t provided by CAS. Medical care is provided almost entirely by Medicaid, her insurance or through Catholic Adoption Services.

• Will I be able to select the adoptive family and meet them?

“Yes, they have a big say so. If they look at a profile and that’s not what they want,” that family is no longer considered, Harris said. A birth mother is also able to meet an adoptive family if that is clearly decided upon by all parties involved. Adoptive parents are very open to meeting with the birth mother, Harris added.

• What is the level of openness going forward?

“When somebody says they want an open adoption, they usually just mean pictures, letters and an occasional visit. We do not do adoptions where they are in and out of each other’s homes. They don’t share their last names, their phone numbers, their cells, addresses or emails. It’s all through the agency. So if a birth mom wants more openness than what we provide then we are not the right resource.”

Other tips: Birth fathers do have parental rights. A father can sign up for free with the Putative Father’s Registry, through the state Health Department. Any man can register if they believe they have fathered a child that may be placed for adoption.  He then has a right to notice that an adoption is pending. He may also contact an attorney about his paternal rights.

“We want him to have peace about the adoption too. We have some great birth father’s receiving pictures and counseling as well,” Harris said. However, “if he has not provided support to her while she’s been pregnant, it is possible for the court to terminate the father’s rights.”

There are circumstances where an agency would protect the privacy of a birth mother from a birth father, particularly for the safety of a mother or child.

A birth mother has a 10-day time period after a child is born to decide whether she wants to go forward with the adoption process. The baby is can be with a “cradle care family,” a select group of licensed foster parents through Catholic Adoption Services who care for babies in their home during the waiting period. Birth parents can waive the 10-day waiting period to five days, Harris said.

If a birth mother decides not to place her child for adoption, even if the agency has provided care for her throughout the pregnancy, there is never pressure to go forward with an adoption.  “Only the birth mother can make the decision to place her child for adoption,” Harris said.

For more information about Catholic Adoption Services, visit catholicadoptionservices.org.

Note: These policies are those of Catholic Adoption Services in Arkansas. Policies and contact agreements vary depending on the agency and the circumstances of the people involved.