Father Jerome Kodell, 85, OSB, a monk and former abbot of Subiaco Abbey, has led retreats for lay Catholics and religious for many years. He’s seen everyone from priests to seminarians and career-driven or retired lay Catholics get overwhelmed or “burned out” by the stresses of life, hoping for a chance to rebalance. God gave us a divine order for our various vocations in life, with our first priority being a relationship with him.
“People get overwhelmed if they don’t have a clear understanding of priorities. They don’t have a way to distinguish what’s their commitment and what isn’t,” he said. “Personal prayer with God — that should be your number one priority. If they can’t set that, you don’t know where things fit. If you don’t know where things fit, there’s no priority. If something comes up, your life is kind of like a roller coaster. I think a lot of it is a matter of setting priorities.”
To maintain a proper life balance, it’s imperative to understand the signs of burnout and ways to prevent it, through prayer and self-care.
What is burnout?
Drs. George and Sherry Simon, parishioners at Christ the King Church in Little Rock, have practiced psychology for more than 40 years and are now primarily retired.
The couple said a few common things can cause burnout. One is the inability to manage work and home responsibilities, causing one or the other to be unsuccessful.
Another well-agreed-upon theory is that “burnout is ultimately about resentment,” George said.
“It might be sacrificed time with family, a passion or favorite hobby. Whatever they’ve given up as a result of being overly invested in their work or work situation is going to tell the source of burnout,” he said. For example, if a work environment pressures an employee to miss a family vacation or work late most days, that can lead to detachment and dissatisfaction.
“People who tend to invest too much in their work can have a low self-esteem and low-confidence. They put so much of themselves into it, it’s like a constant treadmill. It never feels like it’s enough. It pushes people too hard to work, and our culture pushes it,” Sherry said.
An overly driven personality and even pushing too hard to check off all the boxes of our Catholic faith without a deeper meaning can lead to burnout.
“We’re supposed to put our love of God before all else. When we get in that horrible pattern of burnout and feel guilty all the time, it’s so easy to lose sight of our faith and where is God in all of this,” Sherry said. “We tend to not turn to God to get out of it. We turn to ourselves. As Catholics, we lose sight of our faith.”
The Simons are clear, however, that burnout is not a medical diagnosis, but its symptoms can mirror mental diagnoses like depression.
“The big difference between burnout and depression is when you stop and pull back from work and set boundaries, burnout symptoms go away. If you don’t do that, it can turn into depression,” Sherry said.
Burnout isn’t always associated with a career. Father Kodell said he’s seen it often with new grandparents.
“A lot of times, they haven’t been ready to take on all the responsibilities of grandchildren. They don’t know how to say no, and the adult children find their parents are very handy babysitters,” he said. “They can get overwhelmed with that. Sometimes, they do that at the expense of their own health.”
Take it to prayer
Jesus modeled how to live our lives, with prayer and rest as a cornerstone of his earthly ministry. His commitment to boundaries is a roadmap for lay people to recognize and prevent burnout by properly balancing their lives.
Father Kodell pointed to Mark 1:35-38, where Jesus went to a deserted place to pray. Peter and others found him, saying, “Everyone is looking for you.”
Jesus instructed everyone to leave Capernaum and “go on to the nearby villages.”
Father Kodell explained Jesus was not dictated by the pressure of others to stay.
“He realized it was impossible for him to do his ministry without being in touch with his Father,” he said. “… We don’t know his whole system, but he made time for prayer. We tend to want something to happen when we pray. Everything is going to settle, or we’re going to feel God’s presence. We’re on God’s schedule; he’s not on our ours.”
If a person does not have a daily, consistent prayer routine, it’s best to start small. Father Kodell explained carving out two minutes to just speak openly to God creates a routine.
“It does help. It’s amazing what happens if you stay in touch with God every day. You become more patient, and nobody can explain why that is,” Father Kodell said. “Because we’re very busy people, we get ourselves stressed out on prayer as well. We need to set a low bar until we’re comfortable with what we’re doing. One day, we could all of a sudden pray a lot, and the next, we don’t. It’s the consistency of presence every day.”
In addition to prayer, preventing burnout is about being honest with yourself and others about what you can handle. It can include setting manageable work goals and prioritizing responsibilities to being home at a reasonable time most nights. It also means setting boundaries with family and friends.
“Ask for flexibility because it’s more available these days. Younger people are so much more aware of a work-life balance, like asking for flex time or remote work,” Sherry Simon said. “Ask for what you need, take small breaks during the day and make time for physical exercise. Unplug the technology. Don’t just dive into TikTok for two hours. Maybe unplug. Stay in touch with family and friends.”
Father Kodell said that God carries us through the stresses of daily life in both the quiet and the chaos.
“If you have a regular prayer life and you are also a busy person, God intervenes during the day. If you get the right attitude, interruptions may not be interruptions; it could be God getting into the crevices to get your attention. It can take away the pressure a lot of time. You’re serving in the name of Christ,” he said.
Are you out of balance?
Common signs of burnout include:
- Under/oversleeping or under/overeating
- Headaches
- Fatigue
- Feeling helpless
- A sense of failure
- Decreased satisfaction from previously enjoyed activities
- Withdrawal, isolation
- Procrastination, even on things a person enjoys
- Addictive behaviors, like consuming too much alcohol or overusing sleep medications to rest
