Debbie Magee knows intimately what effects abortion can have on someone’s life.
When she was 16 years old, the parishioner at St. Joseph Church in Tontitown followed the advice of her parents, doctor and trusted teacher and had an abortion. It was 25 years later before she faced what she had done and saw how her life took a different path.
“I thought I had dealt with it,” she said of her efforts before 2005. “I just had surface dealt with it. I put a band-aid on it.”
At least 200 women in Arkansas have received spiritual and emotional support to face their abortions through Project Rachel, a ministry of the Diocese of Little Rock since 1991.
Project Rachel is a diocesan-based, Catholic ministry used throughout the United States to help women and their families who have had abortions. The ministry includes retreats, support groups, Bible studies and prayer efforts.
“Through Project Rachel, I began to deal with issues,” Magee said. “My parenting style was very sheltering. I always felt if they did something (wrong) it was my punishment … A lot of my behaviors and a lot of the things I have done are a direct result of having an abortion.”
When the program began in Arkansas, Anne Dierks, then the respect life director, called it a “telephone outreach.” When a woman called for support, she counseled with the woman on the phone and referred her to a trained priest or counselor for private sessions.
In 1995 Dierks felt led to expand the ministry to include an 11-week support group centered on prayer, Scripture and sharing. Dierks, who retired in 2005 but continues to lead Project Rachel, admits she was apprehensive about leading a group.
“I’m not a trained psychologist. I am not a social worker,” she said. “I didn’t know what a support group was. I thought, ’I can’t do that. I am not qualified.’”
Through her conversations with many post-abortive women, Dierks said she realized that many of these women felt they could never be forgiven. As a result, she said they are often “spiritually void,” depressed, angry and turn to drugs and alcohol to dull their pain.
“If you don’t love yourself, you are going to have a problem loving someone else,” she said.
Many have admitted to her, “You are the last person I would come to for help.”
But women like Magee said they found peace and were able to improve their relationships with God and family after they faced their sin.
Today, Magee, a 43-year-old stay-at-home wife, mother and former pro-choice advocate, is outspoken in her support for Project Rachel and helping other women who are grieving. Magee sought out Project Rachel in 2005 after converting to the Catholic Church in 2001 and thinking confession would help her resolve her pain. When thoughts of her abortion kept surfacing, she knew she needed to finally talk to someone about the abortion.
“It’s a spiritual journey,” Dierks said. “It’s all about your relationship with God and getting it right so you can accept his mercy. It’s all about forgiveness. It’s forgiving the people involved, forgiving the people you are angry with, forgiving the father of the baby. “It’s a beautiful program. I don’t do anything. I am just an instrument in the Lord’s hands.”
For Magee, Project Rachel helped her to finally talk to her mother who had supported her decision to get an abortion. “My mother had distanced herself from God for years because of my abortion,” she said.
Most women who have sought help through Project Rachel are between 30 and 50 years old. For many, their abortion occurred 20 years ago or longer, but they have never been able to talk about it with other people. Nearly half of the women have had more than one abortion.
Dierks said groups form twice a year in Little Rock, Fort Smith and Fayetteville. They range in size from three to eight women. The locations, dates and times of the meetings are confidential. Dierks also allows the women to remain anonymous if they want. During most of the sessions, the only information Dierks knows about a participant is her first name and phone number.
The sessions are free, and financial aid is available to women to cover a portion of their transportation and lodging expenses, Dierks said.
While the group is open to all faiths, the spiritual program Dierks uses is written from a Catholic perspective. The last session ends with Mass for all participants. Catholics can attend reconciliation while non-Catholics are invited to speak privately with the priest.
“The last hardest thing they have to do is forgive themselves,” she said.
Father Erik Pohlmeier, pastor of St. John and St. Mary churches in Hot Springs, has celebrated Project Rachel liturgies for several years. He said it is rare for a priest to encounter someone in reconciliation who has been preparing intensely for 11 weeks to receive the sacrament.
“We are a Church of reconciliation,” he said. “There are very few times that you see that so clearly than with Project Rachel … (They are) honest about their decision and immediately follow that up with the power of the mercy of God.”
Dierks said statistics would show that many more women in the pews have had abortions. She understands they are not ready yet to address their abortion and do not think the Catholic Church would be the place for healing.
But Dierks said she sees these post-abortive women as victims.
“Our society is at fault for that,” she said. “What had been done to her is almost as serious in emotions and psychologically. She has been damaged forever because we in society have told her it is OK.”
Magee said abortion is not the best solution for women with crisis pregnancies.
“It’s devastating for all of those involved,” she said.
Through Project Rachel, Magee said, “You do unearth a lot of stuff. God is the driver on the journey. He will be there. … I am not embarrassed anymore. I just believe if we keep this secret, this is never going to change.”
Holding back tears, Dierks said she sees her “ladies” as evangelizers for the Church.
“They have truly seen the mercy of the Lord,” she said. “The Holy Spirit is in this room with us every night. Many of them have not graced the door of a church in 10, 15, 20 years. On the last session, they go to confession and they go to Communion for the first time. It’s very powerful … I’ve never had a lady sorry that she did it.”
Dierks can be reached at (501) 664-0340 or e-mail her on this link.
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